Before I became a psychologist — before I even knew that I wanted to become a psychologist — I went through a personal awakening. I started reading a lot of self-help, personal growth, and self-awareness books. At that particular time, I felt like I was being led to them. Now that I am a psychologist myself, I try to be the one leading people to certain books depending on whatever they are going through.

I want to talk about today are my clients who have the sudden realization that someone in their family is a narcissist. It could be a parent, a sibling, or a child. And it can be just as devastating as finding out your romantic partner is a narcissist — maybe even more so, because these people are family. They are supposed to care about you. But narcissists are unable to care about anyone but themselves.

I was drinking iced coffee with my colleague, Larry Shushansky, at an outdoor cafe recently one afternoon. We were discussing what the kids mean when they describe someone as “thirsty”—someone they follow on social media is grasping for attention by posting something provocative.