The Psychologist’s Bookshelf

Before I became a psychologist — before I even knew that I wanted to become a psychologist — I went through a personal awakening. I started reading a lot of self-help, personal growth, and self-awareness books. At that particular time, I felt like I was being led to them. Now that I am a psychologist myself, I try to be the one leading people to certain books depending on whatever they are going through.

I would like to tell you about five of my favorite books, but first — why a book? A book is like a therapist in that it is a voice outside yourself you can relate to and that can shine a light into your own life. My specialty is people in transition, women specifically, but not solely. These are people going through something: a divorce, the death of a loved one. They are going from one place in their lives to a completely different place, but to get there they need to release their dependency on the person or situation they have relied on.

A book can be the bridge you need to start to rely on yourself and realize you can do life on your own. Because reading is a solitary experience, it can help you get comfortable with yourself, and when you’re comfortable with yourself, you can attract the right energy to further your continued growth. 

That is why sometimes in session I find myself saying, “You know what book you should check out?..”

(Two notes. First, not all of these are current; nor do I think they have to be. People are still recommending The Prophet, after all. Second, I will cite a specific situation that might prompt my recommendation, but you can consider these labels loosely — any of these books below can help anyone.)

The situation: Clients who fear being alone and who are wanting to overcome the beliefs that prevent them from being happy.

The book: How to Be Your Own Best Friend by Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz (1971).

This simple short book packs a huge impact, helping the reader understand that ultimately we only have ourselves and that we had best get to the business of liking and accepting ourselves. Many clients have a hard time being alone and as a result make choices that don't turn out to be in their best interest. How to Be Your Own Best Friend lets the reader forgive themselves for mistakes and relish in their achievements.

The situation: Clients who are ready for some hard truths to help them grow up.

The book: The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Values, and Spiritual Growth by M. Scott Peck (1987).

The first thirty pages of this book are tough and present the reader with truths such as "Life is Suffering." Once we accept that, we realize that we don’t have to be mystified whenever things don’t turn out our way. There is an infusion of spirituality in this book without being overtly religious. Again, it can be grueling, but I know many, many people who have gotten a lot out of this text.

The situation: Clients who are the victims of the often invisible syndrome of emotional abuse.

The book: Setting YourSelf Free: Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Abuse in Family, Friendships, Work and Love by SaraKay Smullens (2002).

This book details the effects of emotional abuse so clearly that you have "aha" moments all the way through. I found myself getting clear on the definition and the long-term effects of emotional abuse no matter where it came from — and that can include the workplace. It is hard for people to accept they were abused in this way, but once you understand exactly what emotional abuse is, you can know what to do about it.

The situation: Clients who are members of a struggling couple.

The book: Independent Enough: A Book About Relationships by Larry Shushansky (2018).

This is a handbook for members of a couple who want to live an independent life while still remaining together. Too many of us fall into the trap of making our partner our entire universe and we don't realize that this isn't good for either spouse. Having your own goals, interests, outings, and friendships is crucial for maintaining a long-lasting relationship.

The situation: Clients who think their families are unique in being dysfunctional.

The book: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed by Lori Gottlieb (2019).

This novel is written by a therapist about her experience with her own clients while also being in therapy herself. A lot of psychologists (and human service workers in general) are wounded warriors. They come to the work with their own trauma, and that’s why they want to try to help other people. If you are not a therapist by profession there is much to learn here about the psychological process and if you are thinking about becoming a client this allows you to see that therapists themselves are human. The writing makes the whole idea of therapy less of an intimidating prospect.